Recently in one of the many online classes I’m taking, a verbal confrontation occurred between a few people in the class over current events. I pay attention to the energy people put out through their bodies, words, attitudes, and what isn’t said but felt. In this case I felt one of the people spoke calmly, discussed her personal experience with the event/issue while another went into victim mode and raged back calling names and shut out all possibility of hearing any other point of view except her own.
This wasn’t the first time I had encountered such strong negative energy from this individual in class when things didn’t go her way. Understanding something about her I am aware there is probably an ancestral lineage and personal life full of trauma and pain. Trauma and pain are one way to more easily enter victim mode. I left the class feeling heavy and asking a lot of questions.
A couple hours later I was in my usual weekly class for my Intuitive Healer Training Program & Certification (IHTP). I felt this class would help me shift out of the heavy energy and I was correct.
It was interesting that during the opening meditation for the IHTP class, I kept getting the word victim where it related to the earlier conversation and one of the participants. Then I heard the words ancestral lineage. I knew then I had to explore this idea of playing the victim (consciously or unconsciously) and using our ancestral lineage as the reason we play the victim.
We all play the victim from time to time
Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all played the victim role/archetype from time to time. It is part of being human. Sometimes this energy is ingrained in us that we don’t even know we are doing it. Other times we use this energy to manipulate or get what we want. Being the center of attention and getting one’s way can be a powerful addiction for some people. Then there are times when we are doing our inner work and healing and go into this energy but step out of it because we are consciously creating our reality.
I admit that during the meditation in IHTP, questions were swirling around this idea of victim energy and ancestral lineage. Plus, how do we play in that energy in our own lives. I sat with this for several hours before writing this article. There are many questions you can ask around this topic and many rabbit holes you can go down within your personal history and ancestral lineage history to find answers. Here are a few questions to help you.
- When and where in my life have I played in victim energy? What was happening to create this response?
- Where did that energy come from? My personal history or ancestral history?
- Why was I playing in that energy?
- When I react or respond to someone while I’m in victim energy – am I explosive, angry, hurtful, tune others out, shut down, leave my body, call names, manipulate or try to control, etc.?
- Am I addicted to this energy? Does it create hormones in my body that give me a high?
- Was I consciously playing in that energy or at the time was I unaware I was?
- Now that I have identified the when, where and why I played in that along with where it came from, what inner work and healing do I need to do to stop playing in that energy?
- What changes do I need to make in how I interact with people to shift or stop that victim energy?
- What will it take to release this energy from my body and soul and more consciously create my reality?
an example of playing in the victim energy
If you have followed me at all the last four years, particularly the last two, you know how difficult life has been on the other side of the ocean with my husband’s declining health. We went through almost two years of questions as to why things were declining. Numerous tests, procedures, and doctor appointments before things got bad and the hospitalizations began.
Dealing with the medical system in another country, one in which citizens are taught to obey their authority figures without question, was extremely difficult for me. As an American who is constantly questioning everything and doing my inner work, I struggled with this limited mindset and I went into victim mode – then took myself out – then went back in – it was almost like riding a surf wave over and over for two years.
How did I play victim? In many ways it was internal – blaming my husband in my head (and sometimes out loud) for not asking questions or being angry with myself for not pushing more or staying with him in the first place (he was diagnosed with 2 cancers right after we met). Oh woe is me I live this life with all this stress and grief. And there was a LOT of grief and many other emotions no one ever taught me about or how to deal with in these circumstances. So I became a victim to all my emotions too.
Then there was the external victim where I lashed out at his friends who of course were in the mindset that you just obey the doctors and keep your mouth closed. None of them understood how difficult and stressful and emotional it was for me to be in a foreign country dealing with hospitals and doctors and fighting for him and keeping all his family and friends updated every time he went in. And I had zero support from them even from the start. So I was going through all this alone. That made me angry and I became the victim. Most of my friends in the U.S. or on social media knew very little about what was happening most of the time.
In and out of that I went and seemed to be better when I was at home and not overseas. Then last July when things got really bad again I said ENOUGH! I was done playing in all this energy – victim, supporter, healer, all of it.
When I chose that – everything changed. 90% of the attachment I felt to my husband and his health dropped away. My body began to relax. My energy shifted. I finally realized this was not in any way in my control and it was all his choice to live or die, stay sick, heal, listen to the docs or not, take care of himself the way the docs said to or not. It didn’t matter what I said or did – it was and is all his choice. Control is a separate issue I’ll probably tackle in another article.
Did my victim energy come from my ancestors? Looking at my family tree I can see at least one instance where an ancestor probably played in this energy that contributed to this specific instance in which I have been dealing.
Was her victim energy or trauma passed down to me because she dealt with a lot of trauma before she likely went into victim energy? Possibly. Do I blame her? NO. I explore her story and the family’s story. I channel her and others in my writing to ask questions and ask for clarification about what took place. I understand more what happened and I heal these things in myself – which then heals my ancestors. It is not fun to look at these dark shadow sides of myself but it is something I’m willing to do so these patterns and energies do not continue in the future.
Using the questions above, we can look at where we have played the victim.
A few tips when we explore this energy.
- Do not judge it. We all go into victim mode during our lives – sometimes consciously and sometimes not. However, each of us is on our own journey and each time we acknowledge we play in this energy, we have an opportunity to do deeper work and heal it.
- Try to get out of the energy as soon as you realize you are playing in it. This is important so we do not continue to create more of the victim energy and create more conflict and yuck in our lives. Sometimes that conflict leads to the end of relationships we may have held dear.
- Be gentle with yourself. As we do our deeper work and heal the dark or shadow parts of ourselves, we must be gentle. No one is perfect and we all have inner work to do.
- Do not lay blame. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is blame someone else for our actions or responses. Blaming an ancestor who may have created the energy that was passed down – that we play victim in – is not a constructive way to heal the past and present. If you do lay blame, try to acknowledge you did this and shift the energy. Apologize to your ancestors for blaming and ask them how you can both/all heal.
Sometimes our ancestors are not the ones who perpetuated the victim energy that we play in. Sometimes we learn this from our immediate family or from society growing up. To remain part of a tribe and fit in, we will often imitate those around us, even when we know it is not in our highest good to do so. Asking ourselves to get real about why we are playing the victim is the first step to shifting that energy.
As our world continues to change in 2020 and this decade, taking a truthful look at our energy, our shadow side, our personal and ancestral lineage issues is extremely important so we may heal and shift out of the old energies. Creating a planet on which people can live in harmony, without separation, anger, and hate is what we are headed toward. It takes all of us to wake up and do our part to make this transition easier for everyone. Those who choose to continue playing in these old energies and being the victim and further causing division and anger will not have it easy as we transition.
All of Life is a choice – how do you choose to create your life, living, and reality?
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